FiddlerNotes – In the doldrums, but still moving forward

So I’m writing this Friday morning because summer is apparently for pain flares. 

 “But Elf, you never really slowed down before this year in the summer, what gives?”

Well, if we go back a bit to my January blog, my word for the year is Thrive. That means learning both what the heck is going on with my body, how to live within that, and to strengthen the parts that need that. With the new job comes new insurance, and the ability to see the specialists.  This helps identify the root issues and teaches me tools and helps me find accommodations. So with that I’ll (eventually) have the energy and ability to do the things I actually WANT to do rather than all my energy going into what NEEDS done and there’s nothing left in the tank for fun things.

Let me tell you, once you notice that something is weird, something hurts?  It’s real dang hard to put it back in the box you were ignoring it in for years (who am I kidding, decades).  It’s hard finding those new limits, setting new paths in your brain.  It’s something I’m really struggling with to be honest.  I’ve always been the person to push through, get it done. You can ask the guys, 20 years ago one catchphrase for me was “Sleep is for the dead”  

That really can’t fly anymore.  I’ve got my partners, our kids, an amazing band that I still can’t believe I have the honor of performing with, and I have you all, the Beta Testers that support us.  You all come out to gigs, send your love and energy while reading out blogs, listening to our albums.  I NEED to keep the ol’ meat suit running better than I have, for all of that.

Which means actually listening to my body when I’m having a pain flare and taking it easy.

So Monday was a total fog of ‘just get through the day’.  It was bad enough that I don’t remember a ton of Monday.  Tuesday I was in a full flare; joints angry, general ache, and whoa boy so much brain fog.  Still gotta work, but there was nothing left to even practice or game. Wednesday the body pain was better, but ye olde migraine and weird EDS skin issues rose, so improvement?  Thursday my brain decided to freak out (working on healing my brain, figuring out my body, AND breaking generational trauma all at the same time wasn’t the best idea), so the mostly-out-of-flare backslid a bit and I lost part of the day to resetting.

This is the long way around to say that Friday, today  is the first day I’ve had more than two brain cells that weren’t on pain management or ‘get the necessary done’ to rub together.

In good news the baby white wing dove that Rosie (the pupper) found and brought in the house (I’ll relay the story if you want) has been delivered to Liberty Wildlife Rescue safely.

Other  good news is I don’t (I think?) have flares like this very often?  The meh news is that they’re pretty solidly connected to the weather being weird, so monsoons are a big trigger for me.

The better news is that with actual diagnosis, I’m getting to actual physical therapy!  And help sorting through the accommodations and aides (and most importantly insurance coverage on said aides) to know what’s going to be supportive while I strengthen the muscles that need it, and what’s going to make things worse in the long term.

Which also leads me to what I’m doing during the summer break that inevitably happens for reasons Paul covered last week.  I’m seeing a LOT of doctors >_> which for the first time pretty much ever I’m looking forward to.  I’m going to a CONCERT that we’ve been anticipating since January (Look up Ateez, seriously.  Yes, it’s K-pop.  Yrs, there are REASONS I keep going on about them).  I’m also working on new tunes, both old trad ones, and some that I’ve written.  I’m being kind to myself on writing lyrics, and starting to teach myself the music theory I didn’t get as a kid so I can write the rest of the music that goes along with the melody line.

I’m letting myself rest and recover and on days I can’t actually DO I’m (trying) not to beat myself up for not doing all the things.  They will wait a day.  I’m crafting and creating still too, but only between letting myself rest and still doing those things that NEED to be done.  The Garden?  It’s slowed as it does in the summer here, but one batch of taters is still trucking along.  I’ll start planting in earnest in the fall.  Now is the planning time there.  That and setting up a digging/terraforming schedule for the front yard.  I now have a team of burlies/gothlings to move the dirt so I’m not trying to get all that done on my own.

What are y’all up to?  What’s the plan to escape the heat?  I hope that everyone is keeping as cool as possible and will see y’all at Fibber’s on July 20th!!  I think we need to pack this place ^_^  

Loev you all and see you soon!!